The Alchemy of Gracelessness

The alchemy of gracelessness doth pervade and inspire

Black harbour to the night owl, to her return

Cremated suns and tainted folly

The ancient lore of the western lover.

Within the tent she danced for you, Abraham,

Within the tent she was your priestess,

Gave herself, with her western falsity,

Gave herself, mouth her western truth, 

Angry, her mouth of her western silence.

Yet luxurious, in bond of truth

Yet pleasure, in armour of perplexity,

Yet Sarah, in laugh of new,

Yet Empress, in cold perspective of my battle.

The temptation of the Son of Israel,

Strong, that bringeth youth where Pharoahs delivery deny

The age of the male,

The age of Allah containment

Command and control

Construct and collaborate

Love, but never as much as me

Love, but never as much as me.

Be wired into the now, you hallowed maidens of fortune,

Belong into the now, you sluts and vampires of Allah.

Because I know the dessert god commands it, I see and hear the writing on the wall, 

The despicable indulgence of the prophet, lower … And lower …

Shame upon you all, You, seekers of  God!

Meem Kaf Ra

Filter the wheat from the chaff

Within each word spoken, each action intent, each dream made,

Filter deceit from truth

Meem kaf ra is the hardened shell of illusion, its mother is Mara.

Meem kaf ra is the armour of protection, its father is strength.

Meem kaf ra hates you, hates your truth, which it calls lies

Meem kaf ra detests you, detests your love, which it calls slavery.

The deceiver is an armour forged of the shards, the shattering of the soul.

Thus it is, in every one, in all humans, but in this one, it has a voice.

In this one: closer to you than your such unchristian blood!

In this one: closer to you than the tears of Mariam.

Meem kaf ra hate transforms you in the name of Mara the seductress of the full moon. Transforms your truth, which it considers ridiculous.

Meem kaf ra loves you, doesn’t want you to leave, just another hour of your face.

Meem kaf ra speaks above its station to you, because it cannot remember that which it has forgotten

Meem kaf ra does not recognise the name of Meem kaf ra.

Your deceit is an armour forged of the shards, the tikkun of your soul.

Thus it is, in every one, in all humans,  it in you, it has a voice.

In your eyes: as close to you as your uncommunicable sight

In your skull: the frenzied birth pains of another Mariam.

Devashralam oethree’a 

Aliegressam gai-fana beyit, shaktam thanat devashraal-ro

Not certainty planetary loss house/enclosure/sanctuary, daughter of the face singing-mourning

Aliegressam kaf nam devashralam oethree’a hulat ohm

Not certainty action is the song sadness mother-goddess now 

Shin aioonis kaf nam thanatam boronou aliegressat ex

Everything not knowledge-correction action is journey/path not certainty from the face past

Shin alieuoonis meem nam thanatam rehamal amal-enesat sum

From everything all that is not knowledge-correction (English: confusion?) love is merciful conduit to the face future

Meem kaf: ya dal shin ex ohm sumit

Water-Love’s hand/action: the door everything before, now, future

Sumitaal vashta, shaktam thanat, sumitaal vashta hu-meem lagreihaal Sri-ah

The infinite future world, daughter of the face, the infinite future world all/source water-love embrace/encompasses thee

Sumitaal vashta, shaktam thanat, sumitaal vashta hu-kaf dree ai roam

The infinite future world, daughter of the face, the infinite future world all/source action flows down utterance/pronouncement.

Dal Beyit

Yadal-boeth nam ya dal beyit

Yadal-boeth is the gateway to the enclosure-orb

Alieuahna sholei nam Huanam ex

Not all-grace dual is all-grace before

Noonis shoredai nam Huanam ex

Knowlede-correction strength is all-grace before

Hu vashta, hu dree-ai, hu nam Huanam ex

Source infinite, source flows down, source is all-grace before

Senistral shin kaf illiu-fana beyit

Circuit everything action destroy (god rests) enclosure-orb

Yadal-boeth nam ya dal beyit

Yaldaboeth is gateway to the enclosure-orb

Ra hu shin kaf nam eliuhuan sum

Praise source everything action is all-grace future

Ra sin Meem nam Alieuahna ohm

Praise everything-echo water-love not all-grace now

Noorashdat Allah nam devashriaf

Light-being of Allah is singing

Devatriam Allah nam shakti ex

Song into Allah is daughter before 

Hu vashta, hu dree-ai, aishraal nam Alieuahna sum

Source infinite, source flows down, air-world is not all-grace future 

Thanat egresis kaf sin borodrei-ai roam.

The face certainty action everything-echo oroboros down utterance/prouncement.

Sin kaf Meem ohm lagreihaal sri-ah

Everything-echo action of water-love now embrace/encompass thee

Sri eiha, t’raat norm nam noonal Gaia sum

You unity, the assembly ranks/plateaus/levels are knowledge-correction birth future 

Kaf laamyalid Meem ehad shva ehad

Action channel-transmit love-water unity over unity 

Dalet oorothiuna meem oorthrumit.

The gateway to completion water-love (over) completion

The chosen

Lamed Tav Aleph. Shin.

The chosen are your forethought, empress of the abyss

The chosen are your afterthought, mistress of enclosure

Out of your mind, by his divine deceit, I have granted them this privilege

The chosen of Me remain the chosen of Me

The sons are your sons, empress of the abyss, the daughters are your daughters

by the law before the law,

By the love before the love

The guidance of the prince, holy Abraxas, arrives apocalypse 

And a temple to his fearful authority is constructed to rule over the world,

They will rue his geometry, they will flee from his eye,

While you commandeth dervish, who worship at your feet, who rejoice at the honey of your voice,

While the chosen of Me remain, within tranquil repose, the chosen of Me.

there lived a man


there lived a man, a man who came into the kingdom from the desert wastes,
he possessed intelligence and power over number and sign,
he was known as the knight of the desert wastes,
and was successful in his endeavors,
and so was blessed by god to ascend to the king’s throne,
for he took the queen, the celestial queen, as his companion,
and was granted dominion over this kingdom, and was blessed by god
so by power over number and sign, renewed the city,
by power over number and sign, constructed a new castle,
whose heart was the new temple, a grand temple to the god who had blessed him so

he was from the desert wastes, where love cannot exist,
but the secrets of number and sign are known,
the celestial queen revealed to him the meaning of love,
which was god, and the meaning of living water,
when he was an arid mind, of number and sign alone.
this became an equation for him: love is god,
with which he reinvested the state religion,
by power over number and sign, constructed a new castle,
whose heart was the new temple, a grand temple to the god who had blessed him so.

in their union they gave birth to two children:
belief and presence, who were beautiful like the queen.
and the king wrote many psalms, love songs, god songs,
for the kingdom, for the world: love for the world was in his heart,
as love for his castle was in his heart.
by power over number and sign, forged and bound now with the queen’s love, he penned a new book,
whose heart was the psalms of her goddess, paeans to her goddess, who had blessed then so.

the king, this former desert knight, became strong, but also greedy.
greed entered his heart. it began with an impatience, for
the realisation of the prophecy of the end of days:
he loved his kingdom, his books, his temple — willed that they
would not only reflect the supernal kingdom, book, temple above —
but that above and below would become one, fulfilling the prophecy of the end of days.
this was his greed: that time would become space, once again.

this prophecy could not be fulfilled unless the kingdom became an empire,
to span the western and northern lands. and so the king set about to war.


and so the kingdom became an empire.

the empire was won by campaigns fought by the companions of the king:
three chief companions served as generals.

the king deceived himself, thinking he had won a victory:
but he had not won a true victory, he had never won.
the people of the empire did not trust the king, this desert king,
he was a foreigner to them, and unwelcome.


the revolution came quickly and suddenly. the people of the empire, and of most of the kingdom
rebelled against the king, who they viewed as a despot, a tyrant, which he had become,
a despot and a tyrant.
joined by the barbarians of the northern and western lands,
they wrecked his castle, burnt his psalms, destroyed his temple.

he took his family, his celestial queen and their children, and retreated
to the fort of the last eastern city, the queen’s ancestral home.
this land was bound by an ancient secret, its name was security,
and so the royal family were safe.

ashamed, the king departed.
carrying tattered fragments of his psalms,
the broken tyrant took exile from the kingdom,
back to his desert home, back to his number and symbol,
he painted his face with mud and wandered in exile.

Three perspectives

I observe that there are three perspectives on reality that I need to be in alignment, if I am to call myself happy:

1) An intellectual, analytic perspective. This perspective sees the world as patterns, mathematics, algebras, taxonomies. I’m engaging with it right now in defining a taxonomy of three perspectives.

2) A spiritual, Divine perspective. This consists of documented, textual relationships, sometimes blind, sometimes conversational, with the gods of the world.

3) An earthly, sensual perspective. This is the body’s perspective: emotive, drunk, sober, aroused, passionate, empathic, fundamentally sexual.

When all three perspectives are in alignment, then I feel complete. When one is not in harmony with the others, then I am confused.


gratitude is something i’ve lacked recently. instead i’ve been ungrateful, and squandered my bounty.

i feel ashamed at this.

i’ve been given so much. each step my children take forward. the sweet sounds of their voices, growing intelligence. the embrace of my love. my family, my beautiful family. the love, the complete and unconditional love i have been given. love, constant love is what the universe has gifted me.

so how could i have been so blasphemous as to create a problem for myself out of this age of reason? the age of reason is beautiful: it is a challenge, a duty, a responsibility … but most of all it is gratitude.

why would i want to turn from that age? why would i want to reject being unfolding, so. it unfolds perfectly, each new chapter of the age is divine, it’s perfection, enshrined within love.

why did i even think that there was a problem? i’m ashamed of myself. because it was mara, mara, illusion that held me captive to doubt. analysis can be mara: it can be an infernal loop, playing back upon itself, shells, qlippot.

as i entered the age of reason, i deafened myself to the mantra of love. why did i do it? because my analysis failed me, it failed me utterly: when all along it was love, simple love that was providing for me, nurturing me, guiding me, loving me.

there is no love but the love. and the light is its slave and messenger, unfolding as such, always unfolding as such, into the ages, into the age of reason.a


There’s no generalisation. Only specifics. The world is what the world is. A surface, an eternal surface: a psychic geography, a lovers makom, a geopolitical network of religious city states. There’s banality, there’s loss, there’s desperation, there’s reprieve, there’s love.

I walk the surface of the world: and, speaking personally, I’ve got a heart full of love for the world of hatred and, speaking personally, I’ve got a brain full of love letters for the world of hatred and, speaking personally, I’ve got a body full of desire for the vestiginal makoms of the goddess.

A few axioms

1. I exist in relation to love.

I love therefore I am certain. I fail at love and I am exiled from love. I return to love, uncertain of what return means. I am deadened by love, I am awoken by love.

There is nothing more achingly nuclear, more subversively revolutionary, more perplexingly miraculous than the three word performative utterance, incantation, shahada: I love you.

I love the truthful, bare naked exposure of love most of all. Because I love, truthfully, I love.

2. I fear falsehood most of all.

I fear falsehood in all things, particularly in this sentence – I am paranoid that, by the end of this sentence, a falsehood will be stated.

In relation to love, lies are dangerous. Everyone knows this. They consider lies as a kind of sin against love. But there is no such thing as sin. It’s just that true love is the truth whose nature abhors the vacuum of falsehood.

I fear the falsehood within myself most of all, particularly when I am at my most religious.

3. I am religious.

I possess a religious vocabulary. I apply it, subconsciously, day to day.

Religion is the natural pursuit of truth, intermixed with symbology and our baser desires for power.

4. I engage in the struggle

I engage in the struggle. I subsist, struggling, within the age of reason: loving, fearful, religious.

There is no life coaching to be had from me on this: you engage or not.

5. The miraculous is the key suppressed term, the miraculous under love.


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